but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
