Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
