Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
