You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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