So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
