Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
