Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
