Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
