it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
