my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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