I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
