watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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