Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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