She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
