I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
