i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
