im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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