just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
