Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
