We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
