see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
