Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
