Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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