We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
