dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
