i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
