Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
