I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
