he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
