Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
