Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
