ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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