Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
