New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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