I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
