You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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