I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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