i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't turn off my feet"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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