You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
