why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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