I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
