is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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