she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
