This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
