omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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