I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
