Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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