i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
