FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
