Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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